Chapter 39
Seniel did not look at the protagonist on the stage. In a way, that was only natural. He had no interest whatsoever in the person up there.
Rather, while listening to the pianist’s performance, Seniel even judged that Bibi’s playing was more refined.
He knew very well that comparing others was rude, but the thought had risen almost unconsciously, and he couldn’t stop it.
He put aside his brief impressions of the music and, without drawing attention, looked at Bibi. He couldn’t turn his head openly in case his gaze would disturb her.
Bibi did not notice Seniel’s gaze at all. Instead, her pink eyes sparkled brightly.
“This is Schubert’s Wanderer Fantasy, isn’t it? Why is this being played here? Is it because this is a romance fantasy setting? Or because it’s a world created in imitation of reality?”
She had known in advance what piece would be performed at the piano recital, but she had assumed it was merely a piece with the same name. Bibi was moved to be able to hear a piece she had listened to in her previous life here as well.
She was too busy enjoying the familiar, welcome music to pay attention to anything else. Her sparkling eyes had no room to look elsewhere.
Seniel was momentarily entranced by Bibi’s shining eyes. Then, without realizing it, he thought:
If I were the pianist on that stage, would Bibi be looking at me like that?
“…Such foolish thoughts.”
Startled by his own thought, Seniel flinched, his shoulders trembling. He quickly pushed the thought away, afraid someone might notice.
But once a thought surfaced, it did not easily disappear. Just like when one tries not to think of something and ends up thinking about it more, the thought kept resurfacing, troubling him.
This wasn’t the first time.
Whenever such feelings arose, he would suppress and censor them as he was doing now. Unfortunately, it had almost no effect.
It had been the same a few days ago, when he gave Bibi the piano recital ticket and said he wanted to help her.
He kept telling himself that his intentions were purely sincere, with no ulterior motives.
But… was that really true?
He couldn’t confidently say that his words had contained only pure intentions.
And even this morning…
When he found Bibi sound asleep in his arms, he had wanted to ask what her relationship with Kid was.
He had left without waking her, but the question still lingered deep within him.
He told himself it was only concern for her well-being—nothing more.
“Getting too close to Kid… would be dangerous.”
But was that truly all there was to it?
Seniel frowned, feeling as though someone were mocking him. He clenched his fist and then released it, looking back at Bibi.
By now, the sound of the piano no longer reached his ears.
Watching her, focused on the piano with relaxed eyes, made his chest tickle. It felt as if dandelion seeds were fluttering around inside him.
…He hadn’t faced it yet, but he vaguely understood. He simply did not want to confront it.
“Could it be… that you like me?”
He was afraid of what would happen after confronting that possibility.
Bibi’s reaction was predictable. She would likely scorn him for harboring feelings beyond his station when she had only shown him goodwill.
And he was also afraid Kid might discover his feelings and harm her.
How much did he have to suppress his emotions to ensure no one would notice? Seniel didn’t know.
Like someone who believes covering the sky with their hand will make it disappear, he raised his hand and resolved never to take it down.
Clap, clap, clap, clap.
At some point, the performance had ended, and thunderous applause echoed through the hall. In an instant, the lights came on.
Having finished the encore as well, people were already rising from their seats. Amid the bustle and chatter, Seniel’s hand was suddenly grabbed by Bibi.
“Let’s blend in with the crowd and leave now!”
Seniel found himself wondering about the hand that held his.
How could such a small hand play the piano—and grab him and lead him like this? It was so small. The size difference struck him anew.
Bibi pulled at him with effort. Glancing around, she quickly placed a bonnet on Seniel’s head with her free hand.
“I’m really sorry about this!”
The bonnet she had been wearing was plopped onto his head. Though she apologized, she did not remove it again. Fortunately for Bibi, Seniel paid no attention to the bonnet at all.
Seniel looked down at the tenuous connection between them. It was so small that it seemed it would snap if she held it alone. Slowly, he took her hand in his. Their interlocked hands became far more secure than before.
Bibi, busy running, didn’t notice.
People began to avoid the tall man wearing a pretty bonnet. Bibi, brimming with attitude, shouted at them, criticizing their outdated thinking and telling them to move aside.
Overwhelmed by her forceful tone, people mumbled and stepped out of the way. Thanks to that, Bibi and Seniel were able to quickly board the carriage.
“Whew… that was exhausting.”
Leaning against the window, Bibi caught her breath after all the running. She could feel adrenaline from the sudden sprint. The exercise lifted her mood.
Normally she would have been annoyed at having to run, but because the performance had been so wonderful, even the running felt enjoyable.
“Oh, right. The bonnet. I’m really sorry.”
Admiring Seniel’s ability to pull off the bonnet with his looks, she suddenly burst into laughter at his slightly dazed behavior. Imagining him running around after her like that made her laugh again.
I shouldn’t laugh. I shouldn’t.
Seniel was already someone with a delicate heart. She tried to restrain herself, but the more she did, the more she wanted to laugh.
“Th-this isn’t me mocking you! It just suits you so well. I’ll take it back now!”
Bibi, barely holding back laughter, quickly snatched the bonnet back. She tried to place it back on her head but fumbled awkwardly.
She had expected Seniel to look displeased. In a place where gender norms were strict, putting a bonnet on a man would surely damage his dignity and pride.
But contrary to her expectations, beneath the bonnet, he was smiling.
Seniel followed Bibi’s lead and smiled. He didn’t know exactly why she was laughing—perhaps she was even laughing at him.
But what did it matter? She looked happy.
So he simply smiled along, while at the same time taking in her expression.
Eyes full of vitality, an ever-confident demeanor, someone who shone from head to toe.
A sudden desire arose to keep looking at that smile. But knowing she couldn’t be happy by his side, his smile gradually faded.
He had to send her somewhere suited to her.
He knew the answer to how to do that.
It might take some time.
Bibi cleared her throat unnecessarily and put the bonnet back on, pretending to look out the window so Seniel wouldn’t notice his fading smile.
After looking at the scenery outside, she casually changed the topic.
“I was the one who suggested coming together, but I wonder if I was the only one who enjoyed it. How was the performance?”
She wondered if it might have been a boring time for someone unfamiliar with piano. Only now did she realize she hadn’t considered Seniel’s feelings, driven by her own desire to attend the recital.
“I enjoyed it as well.”
Bibi studied his face to confirm whether he was telling the truth. But no matter how closely she looked, she couldn’t find any sign of boredom or dissatisfaction.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
In truth, he hardly remembered whether he had enjoyed the performance or not. It had left no impression. Only because Bibi said she enjoyed it did he think, upon reflection, that it must have been enjoyable.
Looking at Bibi’s bright expression, Seniel suddenly spoke up, unknowingly carrying a hidden intention that he wanted her to be happy.
“If there’s another performance next time, I’ll get tickets. Let’s go together.”
At the word “next time,” Bibi’s expression stiffened slightly. But she forced a bright smile to hide it.
Next time… together?
She knew very well that she had no “next time.” She would have to flee and live quietly, so attending crowded performances like this would be impossible.
“…Alright. Let’s go together.”
She imagined her future. Even if she couldn’t attend recitals, she reassured herself that things would be better than now.
I don’t want to think about that right now.
She had come here precisely to avoid thinking about reality. At least until she returned to the mansion, she didn’t want to think about it.
Wanting to hold onto the recital a little longer, Bibi brought up a trivial topic.
“Do you remember the fourth piece I played earlier?”
“…Yes.”
His slightly delayed response revealed that he didn’t remember.
“I practiced that piece last before my wedding. Chopin’s Ballade No. 4.”
While preparing for her graduation recital, she had been diagnosed with cancer.
“I remember practicing the coda—the climactic ending—pushing myself until my hands felt like they would break.”
Seniel’s eyes deepened as he looked at Bibi, appearing nothing like someone who hadn’t been focused during the recital.
“Then… what are you practicing these days?”
He hesitated, unable to suppress his curiosity. In truth, he had many more questions he wanted to ask.
How she came to play the piano, who taught her, her favorite pieces, her favorite composers.
Whether she liked anything other than piano. Whether she liked flowers, just as she had once asked him.
But those questions faded away, unqualified to be asked.
“…I’m not really practicing these days. I just play pieces I’ve already learned.”
He tried to continue his question—
“…Why aren’t you practicing—”
—but at the wrong moment, the carriage came to a stop.
Bibi, focused on the opening carriage door, did not notice the disappointed expression on Seniel’s face.
“See you tonight.”
Unaware of his unfinished question, Bibi said her farewell lightly.
Seniel could only nod in response.
Back in his room, Seniel retrieved a hidden key and entered a room Kid had not discovered. Since the mansion had many rooms, Kid paid little attention to the rest aside from the important ones. Thanks to that, Seniel could use this room.
Of course, he always remained careful not to be discovered.
This was already the third day since he had resumed visiting the room he had avoided after Bibi’s arrival. Seniel opened a drawer and took out documents filled with formulas and experimental notes.
The documents were dense with chemical equations and experimental content.
He had long given up on separating himself from Kid. That… would not be possible. Because it was—
He shook his head lightly to dispel his thoughts and scanned the documents.
The purpose of this experiment was singular: to find a poison that reacts even to sacred energy and can kill a person within seconds.
This research had been halted since Bibi’s arrival, but it was what he had originally been working on. However, compared to before, he had to proceed differently. Back then, he had recklessly used his body, but now he couldn’t. He had to be cautious, lest Bibi get hurt.
He only had one chance.
“…I’ll make you happy.”
