Chapter 40
Seniel had intended to proceed with his experiment as usual.
That is, if someone had not entered his room.
The door opened without a knock. Seniel thought the sound of the door opening was merely an auditory hallucination. After all, he was the only one who could enter here, and no one had ever set foot in this room before.
So he ignored the sound and continued what he was doing.
“…Seniel?”
However, he could not ignore the voice that followed. Seniel lifted his head, still furrowing his brow in concentration.
Thud—the documents he had been holding fell to the floor.
“….”
Seniel’s tightly drawn eyes widened in shock. He froze in place without even thinking to pick up the fallen papers. It seemed he hadn’t even properly realized that he had dropped them.
No—he seemed to have forgotten to breathe entirely, standing there motionless, staring endlessly at Bibi.
He couldn’t move at all until she approached the fallen documents.
Bibi bent down to pick them up, then flinched, her shoulders trembling. The title was far too explicit:
“Characteristics of the Reaction Between Sacred Power and Poison.”
Bibi quickly tried to gather her thoughts and pick up the papers again. However, she missed her grasp. In the blink of an eye, Seniel darted forward and snatched the documents away first.
His crimson eyes trembled slightly. He took a step back.
Did she see it?
At Bibi’s silence, his mouth went dry.
He couldn’t even think of an excuse, only stared at the person before him in disbelief.
Why was Bibi here…? How? Since when?
Countless questions filled his mind. They rushed in, one after another, then abruptly stopped.
Only then did the realization strike him that he had to hide everything.
Veins bulging, his large hands hurriedly tried to conceal the drugs and materials. But there was too much to hide completely.
Abandoning the attempt, Seniel stepped forward and stood directly in front of Bibi, blocking her view.
Only after shielding her sight with his body did regret set in.
If he had simply said it was nothing—that it was just part of the duties of the High Priest—it might have ended quickly.
But Seniel had no room for such rational thoughts. Even now, he could only feel regret, unable to correct the situation.
His mind had gone blank from the shame of having his hidden side exposed.
Did she see everything?
“Seniel. What is all this?”
Bibi’s calm voice seemed to ask, as though she already knew the answer.
Seniel could not open his mouth.
He never wanted her to see him doing something so trivial. His eyes turned red at the edges. How foolish must he look in her eyes?
Moreover, he had promised Bibi. He had said he would be of help to her.
Bibi looked up at Seniel, who seemed as though he might crumble at any moment. A heavy silence settled, almost cruel in its weight.
On the carriage ride home after the recital, I noticed that Seniel seemed unusually cheerful.
He had a slightly elevated mood, unlike his usual self.
For a moment, I wondered if he had always been this lively. Perhaps this was what Seniel would have been like if he had reached a happy ending in the original story.
However, the moment we got off the carriage, the liveliness in his eyes vanished into thin air.
The faint smile on his face signaled something was wrong. In an instant, he seemed detached from the world.
His uneasy atmosphere made memories of past events flash through my mind.
“…This is bothering me.”
My survival instincts spoke. Nothing has happened. Just let it go. There’s no benefit in getting more deeply involved.
My steps up the stairs suddenly stopped.
Why did you stop? Are you going to grab him and force him to talk?
My reason spoke again. That actually made sense.
“…Yeah. What would meeting him even accomplish?”
I tried to push away the uneasy feeling.
“Damn it.”
If a puppy that always whimpered and cried suddenly started hiding in a corner pretending it wasn’t in pain and refused to come out—wouldn’t you go find it? That was exactly how I felt.
The image of Seniel’s artificial smile flickered in my mind and disappeared.
I bit my lip tightly. At that moment, I wasn’t a good girl—I was a bad one.
I had come here somewhat aimlessly, but I wasn’t sure if this was the right choice.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Seniel’s room, pacing in hesitation without entering.
I couldn’t decide what to say if I went inside. I even considered turning back, but my feet wouldn’t move.
After all, I had taken away the happy ending that was already difficult for him. Was it right for me to disturb Seniel, who had been carrying out his role properly, just because he looked troubled? Was I going to burden him unnecessarily?
To be honest, survival came first—I didn’t have the luxury to hesitate.
If Seniel seemed unstable, I could persuade him to avoid dangerous actions. And if it seemed unnecessary, I could simply not interfere.
But the reason I hesitated was—
“…I feel sorry.”
It was becoming harder to use someone who seemed on the verge of breaking. Even though my priority was survival, ignoring his abnormal behavior wasn’t easy.
I had tried not to grow attached.
I pressed my lips together and glared at the innocent door.
I couldn’t delay any longer. I finally stopped pacing and knocked timidly.
“Seniel, it’s me.”
Despite my tension, there was no response from inside. That was unexpected.
“Seniel?”
I knocked again, but there was still no sign of life. I opened the door.
No one was there.
A sense of emptiness drained my shoulders.
Just as I was about to leave, feeling awkward and hollow—
Does Seniel have somewhere else to go?
That thought suddenly struck me. Seniel, who avoided people as much as possible, had nowhere to go except his room and the High Temple.
It might have been nothing. Maybe he went for a walk, handled some tasks within the mansion, or dealt with the staff.
But instinctively, a nagging feeling rose from the bottom of my feet.
As I wandered near his room, I suddenly recalled something from the original story.
“…No way.”
I hesitated to take another step, thinking I might be overanalyzing. I scolded myself for making assumptions and turned to leave.
“…Still, just in case.”
What “go back to my room”? I was already walking toward that place from the original story.
My reason shook its head firmly, raising objections.
That place was known only to Seniel. What if he was really there? Would I pretend I came because I saw a light from outside? Would such a flimsy excuse even work?
It would be more rational to casually ask during dinner whether something was wrong, noting that he hadn’t looked well lately.
Even though I knew what was more rational, my steps didn’t stop. My body kept being drawn forward, almost as if possessed.
I’m just checking. If Seniel isn’t there, the door won’t open anyway. It requires a key.
I finally arrived at Seniel’s hidden laboratory—a place he had modified from his bedroom to avoid Kid’s eyes.
Unlike before, I firmly grasped the doorknob and pushed it open. I didn’t even know where that courage came from.
The door swung wide open. I had expected Seniel might be inside—but when it actually opened, I froze in shock.
Why is it open?
I hadn’t applied much force, yet the door opened fully on its own, revealing the room.
I stood there, unable to breathe, facing the interior.
Bookshelves lined every wall except the one with the window. A wooden desk was covered with documents, and another held laboratory equipment like flasks.
Seniel…
Fortunately—or unfortunately—Seniel hadn’t noticed the door opening and was fully absorbed in his experiment. It was the first time I had seen him frowning so deeply in concentration.
For a moment, he looked so different that I almost mistook him for Kid. He wasn’t the Seniel I knew.
Buried in his experiment, he seemed paradoxically as if he might vanish into smoke at any moment.
I should have been angry. He had broken his promise to me. And regardless of anger, I should have let him go. If Seniel disappeared like smoke, I would be freed from all of this suffering.
But strangely, I felt the urge to grab him before he fell away.
Even though I knew better than anyone that his experiment could never succeed, I felt anxious.
“…Seniel?”
Without realizing it, I called out to him.
Thud—the paper he was holding dropped to the floor. Our eyes met, and only then did I realize my mistake.
I should have pretended not to notice earlier, left quietly, and casually warned him later during dinner not to do anything dangerous.
I had made a careless mistake driven by an inexplicable emotion.
Seniel was so shocked that he couldn’t even pick up the paper.
I should have acted like I saw nothing and left, but my feet wouldn’t move, as if under a spell.
Even so, I quietly closed the door behind me, thinking others must not see this.
As I stepped further inside, the air grew tense. Strange bottles marked with skull symbols came into view.
I unconsciously reached out to pick up the fallen document.
“Characteristics of the Reaction Between Sacred Power and Poison.”
But my hand froze at the title. Seniel snapped back to his senses and hurriedly grabbed the document.
I straightened up slowly.
When our eyes met midair, I noticed his eyes had turned red. I hadn’t meant to make him cry.
What was I doing here? Why had I come?
I tried to leave as if I hadn’t seen anything, but my body wouldn’t obey. My lips wouldn’t move to explain anything either.
Seniel, now fully aware, hastily tried to hide his experimental tools. Then he shook his head slightly and stepped in front of me.
The suffocating silence forced me to speak first.
“Seniel. What… is all this?”
Why? Since when? You stopped this. You promised me.
I wanted to confront him, but more than that—
“…It’s nothing.”
I felt hurt. I didn’t know why. Hearing his trembling voice, as if he might cry at any moment, only deepened that feeling.
“If it’s nothing, can I destroy it all?”
The words came out harshly. That wasn’t what I intended. Seniel’s eyelashes trembled.
He didn’t ask how or why I had come. That only made things more frustrating.
And yet, his only response was—
“…No.”
A weak refusal.
“Why not?”
His eyes looked empty. He seemed too shaken to even offer an explanation.
“Because… this is the only way.”
A tear fell. A long trail remained on his cheek.
I was about to pretend not to understand and ask what he meant by “the only way,” but Seniel soon clarified it himself.
“….”
He stepped aside. The experiment setup came into view. Documents and chemicals lay across the desk.
Even someone who knew nothing could tell this was a place for making poisons—dangerous ones that even sacred power couldn’t counter.
There were numerous records of failures and side effects, as if they had been tested directly on his own body. The materials were as shocking as what I had seen in the basement.
“I’m sorry. But… I wanted to save Bibi.”
Now I understood the reason behind my uneasy feelings.
By staying near Seniel, I was endangering my own survival. And by my presence, Seniel had been forced to live each day in anxiety.
He was such a kind person that he would say he wanted to save me.
He was someone who could smile so beautifully during the day.
The realization that I was robbing someone who had lived a miserable life just to survive of his happiness filled me with guilt.
And yet, damn it—I still couldn’t give up my own life.
It was maddeningly frustrating that both Seniel and I were in situations that couldn’t be resolved by will alone.
Even though my own situation was desperate, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelming pity for Seniel.
